Friday, February 5, 2010

Here I am again.....

This last week I spent in California at my old school for Landmark conference. It was so great to see my sister in law Shannon and old roommate/best friend KristaJoy, and all my other friends. I stayed in my old room, sharing my roommates bed, which was quite an experience. Everything was smaller than I remember! My husband had to stay behind because of school and work, so I was able to have a little vacation on my own. Now I know other wives like being away from their husbands for a week, but I'm not one of those people.

Being back at that school was such a strange experience. I don't regret leaving school, and I thought it would just be a nice little trip (which it was, don't get me wrong), but as I began to look around and see how everyone had changed without me, and how I wasn't a part of people's everyday lives anymore, I got this overwhelming feeling I couldn't put a name to. I tried to explain it to my friend, and to my husband, but I couldn't. All I could say over and over was "It's so weird being here again" to which they would just shrug and say something like "yeah, I bet" I didn't really expect them to understand how I felt. I didn't even know how I felt. Not until I ran into my aunt at the Ladies day service, and I said the usual "It's weird being back here" and she understood right away how I felt. I was out of place there. I was married and moved away, and everyone treated me differently. Not in a bad way, my friends were still my friends. I just wasn't part of anything anymore. There were new students and new jokes and new restaurants, and all I had were the old memories. Everyone had grown up a little bit more, they are doing amazing things since I last saw them. It was like seeing a child you haven't seen in a long time, and noticing that he's so much taller and older looking than the last time you saw him. You notice because you haven't been watching the growing process, but his parent's might now be as keenly aware. It was just like that, only not physical, something you could feel rather than see.
Anyway, after I realized I wasn't alone in feeling this way, I felt as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I began to enjoy myself more.
Aside from my personal moment of drama, I had a great time. My sister in law took me to a spa which was really fun. And we went to San Francisco to my favorite restaurant, Chutney! I miss my sister and sister friend KristaJoy! I feel so blessed that I was able to see them all!


  1. I was great finally meeting you!!!! I understand your feeling as well since I'm no longer a student at CLC. It's very different. Especially when you're married. But it's a good change. ;)

  2. Ashley! I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Jake & I went back after we got married & it was so odd. I felt like it didn't fit anymore. . . when I got home I actually cried because I felt so out of place & odd. I didn't think that I "grew up" or "moved on" but I did.

    Oh & come back to the blog world lady.